2 Steps Forward and 1 Step Back

The MOST frustrating thing about weight loss is that it moves so slowly, and that a set back can set you back soo far.

Two weeks ago: down 3.1lbs
Last week: up 1.3lbs

Net loss: 1.8lbs--not bad, but less than 1lb per week.

This week: down 2.4lbs, for a total of 4.4lbs in the past 3 weeks, which is almost 1.5lbs a week on average for the past 3 weeks.

I don't know what next week will bring, but I do feel discouraged. I sometimes feel like the work of one day should constitute a sufficient atonement for all of my past bingeing, and that I should be able to then be back to a healthy weight, having learned my lesson and exercising more self-control next time. Compound that feeling over weeks and months, and even though it's .6lbs away from a loss of 30lbs overall, I feel like it's been so painstaking that even that amount seems weeny.

I need to lose another 30lbs before I get to a "healthy" BMI and another 45 before I reach my goal. How can I keep motivated? It is soo easy to gain weight. I could probably gain five pounds this week without any real discomfort, and without having to really work at it. If I had to LOSE 5 pounds though, it would probably kill me (or at least involve a number of eating-disorder techniques).

I wonder sometimes if my goal is possible. Or if, by the time I'm down to a small number of points (18 is as low as WW goes, I'm at 25 now), I'll feel so deprived that I'll break down and get even fatter than before. I had a friend in college who probably lost 70lbs over the course of a year. She's popped back up again. Out of everybody I know, many, many have really gained a significant amount of weight over the past 5 years, while I can think of less than a handful who have significantly lost.

Before I got married, some crazy woman took me aside and told me to throw away all the cookie sheets I received because "you never lose weight after you get married--you just put it on...you'll see!" That felt good. It has now proven inaccurate to some degree--you can lose weight while you're married. The real test is: can you keep it off? From 189lbs to 180lbs, I've lost probably 20lbs, because I have good weeks and bad weeks.

Should I just plan that the 75lbs I want to lose will actually be more like 150 when I get right down to losing it? Do I need to lose every pound twice before it's really gone?