10%

I've made it! I'm now officially 10% off!!! Frankly, that means I've lost 21.9 lbs (21 would be 10%--the extra .9 is just frosting on the cake (or low fat dressing in a small amount on the garden salad, as it were)).
We are living in a new house now, and I am struck with the feeling of new beginnings. I want to start making a healthy lifestyle for my family and me. (Greta, the puppy, is already an inspiration, going up the stairs and down the stairs a million times a day because she's so excited to explore).
Whenever I reach a significant weight-loss milestone, I get a reward (I choose them myself). This time around it is a kitchen scale. It seemed like a good idea back when I planned it all out, but it's taken so long to get to this point, I want to get something super awesome and just fun instead. Do I really need to stick to my reward plan in addition to my weight loss plan.

Whenever I reach a significant weight-loss milestone, I get anti-rewarded on Weight Watchers--meaning they lower my points allowance for the day. If you consider that each point can be up to 100 calories, that's a pretty big cut. If you consider that I often fritter away at least a couple points a day on junk food, it doesn't seem so bad.

I was a little bit "bad" this week. I followed the plan up til Friday, when moving prevented me from getting on the internet. I ate a lot of food, but I also moved around a ton in the moving process. Yesterday was a bit of a low point, though. I literally did not eat a single fruit or vegetable. I ate pizza for 3 meals and cookies for a snack. My body (not to mention my soul) was not happy with this diet. It made its grievance known at about 2am this morning when I became violently ill. After an exceedingly unpleasant 45 minutes, I returned to bed and my body apparently forgave me--it hasn't given me any more trouble (and I ate lots of fruits and veggies and healthy foods today).

When this happens, I feel like I've been given a second chance at my caloric intake. I realize how bulimic that sounds, but I would never do it on purpose. It also makes me realize that the fuel I put into my body can have a drastic effect on its ability to function properly and happily. As good as a little pizza is, the way I feel after I choose lean meats and lowfat cheeses and fresh-picked peas and peaches and plums is well worth foregoing the delicious fatty taste.

Anyway, pictures of the house are to follow in the next couple of days--my camera is MIA after the move, so be patient with me. For right now, I will offer these details: 3 bedrooms, BIG living room/entry way, dining room leading out into sunroom leading out into the back yard, kitchen with new appliances leading into a breakfast nook, basement half-finished/half basementy, but it is a very clean level of unfinished-ness. 1 beautifully redone bathroom (with shower and bathtub) and 1 half bath (just toilet). A balcony over the sunroom looking out over the back yard. a small garden planted by the previous owners for our benefit that has peas and tomatoes. The peas are just starting to come ripe so every day we go outside and pick a couple of pods. Also, a detached garage with a barbeque left inside. If we don't blow ourselves up, it could be awesome. I really like our new house. It makes me feel tired when I think about how much unpacking we have to do, but if worst comes to worse, we can just throw all the stuff up into the unfinished attic and pretend it doesn't exist anymore.

Anniversary

I spent the evening of my anniversary with someone I care about very much.

that is not my husband. it is my baby puppy. my husband generally smells much better.

The separation is really hard when it falls on an anniversary. But, fear not, because I did receive flowers and go out to breakfast with my sweetie that morning. Now, in less than a day, it will be over. And we will be happy. If we can stand living together.

This week has been filled with work and tying up loose ends, changing addresses, etc. Today was the oil change. In a hot, hot mechanic shop, on a hot, hot day that was so hot the National Weather Service issued a warning not to...do something...I can't remember because it was too hot.

Greta has to go to puppy prison tomorrow :(
But only for a little while. I miss my replacement spouse when she's in the chokey.

the kennel from greta's perspective
(it's blurry because dogs don't see too well)

Anyway, with the heat and the stress and the work and the loneliness, it gets tough staying healthy. It doesn't help that I have no clue if I'm on track for weight-loss or not, given the scale adventures of last Sunday. I haven't exercised much given my apparent muscle pulls--I want to be strong for the big move--and I'm starting to feel blobby.

One of my prizes coming up (it may be a Loooong time, though) is a fancy haircut. I'm excited. I also want to grow my hair really long. I'm not sure how to strike a balance between those two--that is not a mullet.

So, sleeping now, and waking up tomorrow to a Brave New World (which is a super-depressing book by the way. Just thinking about it makes me want some soma).

ah, soma....and reading!

Moving, Hurt, Sleepy, Dumb Scale

1. Moving: We're up to about thirty-five boxes. I feel like we could just work from now to Friday and still never be done. But unfortunately neither of us can do that because we both have a ton of work to do at our respective jobs this week, AND

2. Hurt: I think I am broken from moving too many boxes. I was lifting this box that wasn't that heavy, and something went *boing!, or *scrunch! or *yowch! and ever since then, I've felt just a little "off." My back is also sore. I don't know if it's a hernia or overreacting, but it just feels weird and cruddy, and I can't lift things as exuberantly as I used to be able to. Inside I'm just saying, "WHY NOW??"--but I guess that's what happens when you lift too many boxes and your husband is gone most of the time and coughs all night long when he is here, making you...

3. Sleepy: Soo sleepy. I realize it's really late at night--my mom would be upset if she knew that I was awake. But I'm a little preoccupied with the move, work and the...

4. Dumb Scale: I can't use the Wii Fit right now because it's been packed--I usually use it to track my weight. So we had to get the bathroom scale out and re-batterize it. It turns out that it is magical. I stepped on it, just to see, a couple hours ago, and the news was not good. About 1.5 hours later, I had lost two pounds!! Then my husband stepped on the scale, and had gained about 10lbs! About 3 minutes later he stepped on it again (because we weighed our dog with Brandon holding her and she had lost like 5 pounds (which would be like a third of her weight and she obviously hasn't lost that)) and he had lost about 5 and a half pounds!! So...the weigh-in tomorrow should be interesting. If I'm not happy with what I see, maybe I'll just wait a few minutes and try again.

*Bonus* Our two year anniversary is on Monday! I just keep getting happier with my marriage. We'll see if that lasts when we actually live together!

Disappointed

the boxes--not as many as there will be eventually--but this is a start. I think washing every dish in the house (first by hand, then by dishwasher) compensates for me being a little short on my quota yesterday.

Ugh. This week I'm having a hard time. I haven't kept to my fiber-rich diet they way I should. I had another piece of cake today. I feel like a drug addict. I am ashamed of myself. I want to do better. I recently saw a picture of a girl from college--she's probably put on about a hundred pounds since I last saw her. I don't want that to happen to me.
I've been cleaning and packing all day, but because of my eating issues I feel like I haven't accomplished anything today. I'm hoping that our house is in the "it gets worse before it gets better" phase, or I'm going to lose my mind. I miss my husband. I miss my family as a whole. I haven't interacted with another human being face to face today. Gonna do some sit-ups and free weights by way of repentance. Can I just be done now?

Delicious Healthy Pizza

roma tomatoes, mushrooms, olives, green peppers, cheese, thin crust!!
5 Points/piece!

Healthy pizza sounds like an oxymoron, but I had some today! I got a thin crust garden pizza. It was delicious! Tragically, you still can't eat as much as you want, but it's still pretty satisfying.
I'm watching a show called "Tin Man" on Netflix. It is truly not that good a show--the acting is a little questionable, the plot is bothersome and the special effects leave something to be desired--but I can't stop watching it. I love it! The only thing getting in the way of my enjoyment is that the bad guy (not the Wicked Witch, but her henchman, looks like Daniel Craig in his hottest moments--so I can't root against him.
It's like Billy Zane on Titanic. Yeah, I know he's SUPPOSED to be bad, but you know that with a face like that, he's not really bad....
Getting back on track, another lower-point meal I've enjoyed recently is grilled cheese sandwiches--not really grilled, just bread and cheese put in a sandwich maker and cooked. There's no added fat, but a lot of good flavor. They're not super-filling though. I'll have to keep working on it.
I read a news article the other day--it was a celebrity gossip article, actually (if food can't be my vice anymore, this will have to do). It talked about the "crazy" diet Jennifer Aniston and friends had during the run of Friends. Apparently every day for lunch they had a modified cobb salad with garbonzo beans and turkey bacon. That's totally insane! Who can imagine eating such a ridiculous meal??!!
In a world where we celebrate those ridiculous lemon and cayenne pepper cleanses, we think it's weird to modify foods to be delicious and healthy. Just another reason not to read those stupid little magazines...
Anyway, I've decided to keep enjoying the things I've always enjoyed, but just healthy them up a bit. Like the pizza! We've come full circle. Hard as things are, there's always something to enjoy. Now I have to go enjoy a bunch of packing--goal is 20 boxes today. Give me strength!!!

TOO FUUULLLL

this picture is irrelevant but is by way of apology for the gruesome bunny pictures/story.
about a year ago, we raised baby duckies. we taught them to swim in the bathtub. actually we threw them in and hoped nature would do the rest--it did. this is a rare moment when all 7 were together with their heads above water. they loved to dive and swim as fast as they could along the contours of the bottom of the tub. now they're living in a farm near Mansfield on a farm that has a little stream and pond next door for them to play in.

My biggest weakness weight-loss wise has got to be this horrible sweet tooth. I think I'd like to have it pulled. It drives me to do silly things like eat a bunch of ice cream or a piece of cake, and though it seems like a good idea at the time, I just feel awful after. Not guilty (most of the time)--but just sicky.
My husband told me about this study where they took women who overeat and those who didn't and then showed them pictures of food. Women who overate had higher levels of brain stimulation while looking at the pictures than women who didn't. BUT, women who overate had lower levels of brain stimulation when actually eating the foods than women who don't overeat. The message of this study is that people who overeat do so because they feel a great sense of anticipation and pleasure thinking about foods to eat, but when they actually eat those foods they don't feel as fulfilled as they thought they would--driving them to eat more in search of a "perfect high."
This really resonated with me. (I'll try to get him to tell me more specifics so I can link to the study here.) I crave cake or ice cream, or even just some other delicious food that's not so unhealthy, and I expect to feel satisfied, but even as I'm eating, I picture the next meal with anticipation that gives me greater satisfaction than merely enjoying what I'm already eating.
One of my big challenges in trying to lose weight is reminding myself that I need to live "in the moment" food-wise. I should enjoy food while I have it--I don't need to eat too much, because there's an abundance of food and it's not going to be days until my next meal. I can savor what I have and listen to my body indicate that it has had enough. That's the hardest part, to actually "hear" what my body is saying, when my compulsions are screaming "more! more! more! more!"
Anyway, it's another post-period week, so I'm starving all the time. Except when I eat junk food and then feel awful. For this week, my goal is to embrace a fiber-ful lifestyle. Fiber fills you up and doesn't consume many points, so that you can basically eat as much as you want (and feel really full before you can eat too much).
But for now, I've used up all my points and am waiting for this unfortunate feeling of simultaneous super-hunger and icky fullness to pass.... nothing a good sleep can't cure--unfortunately, I'm always thinking about my morning cereal!!

Little Victories

i really like this picture of me--taken in my new dress--with hair and make-up done! i was taking all kind of pictures--and unfortunately, this was the most normal. i don't know why i couldn't just have smiled happily!

This was a rough week! (as you can tell from the previous posts). This week looks to be a little better. My professor is back in town, so hopefully, I'll have some more work to do. Even if that doesn't pan out, I need to start packing for the big move. I am soo excited. Everything about this move makes me really happy. A chance to start over, a place of our own, a basement! In the mean time, it will be a lot of work, which translates to UNINTENTIONAL EXERCISE!!

In the meantime, some small victories to celebrate:

1. Despite all the stress and dietary mistakes this week, I exercised a lot and netted a 1.3lb weight loss!! I'm at a 19.1lb total loss at this point (that's 8.66kg! and ~1.35 stone--darn! the more I convert the less it seems I've lost). My prize at my next weight is a kitchen scale (not for me, for food--in case that wasn't clear--I'm not the type to have a scale in every room). Technically, I've reached the number, but with the decimal it's basically one pound above....But I SOO want a prize...!!

2. After over a month, my final grade came out for the scariest class--the exam was the kind that made me question whether I would make it through law school after all. I can honestly say, I did not feel prepared--I HAD prepared--a lot, but it felt like I had prepared for the wrong class when I got in there. Anyway, to my shock and awe, I got an A!!!! If I don't get a prize for the weight loss, I guess the grade is good enough. I just wish I knew on these good grade exams what it was I did right--it always seems so flukey and I'm not quite sure how to replicate my success.

3. We survived the second-to-last day of nursery at church. But only barely. Actually, the only really bad part was AFTER church when an old woman ran into the back of our car (while we were in it) and then just drove off....I have been in law school for two years, and I was still stunned beyond an ability to do anything. My only comfort (if it is truly a comfort) is that the "bad guy" was really just an old lady who probably didn't notice she hit us (though if she didn't notice hitting a car square on, she probably wouldn't notice hitting other things...like adults or little kids....that's troubling....).

4. This doesn't have anything to do with personal accomplishments, but I got an awesome dress for my birthday (I ordered it with my birthday money--thanks everyone!) They actually sent the wrong patterned dress (though the tag was labeled the right color, it was just on the wrong dress) and it turns out that I still love it! (and by virtue of that tag, I paid less than I ordinarily would for the dress.) Win, Win, Win.

The Things that Get in the Way

Yesterday I wanted to write, but I found I just couldn't....
The distraction didn't have a name--just a random wild baby bunny that just happened to live outside my house, and who just happened to be attacked by a dog.
To make a long story short, I tried to help him, but I couldn't. I left him near his family nest to die.

the bunny's legs were basically severed. it lost a lot of blood. but I still wanted to help.

I returned to look at the nest today. It's right outside my house. It looks like all the baby bunnies are dead. I couldn't get too close, but I could see bugs crawling on the babies. I don't know if the mom stopped feeding them after being scared away by the dog or what, but I feel so frustrated that I couldn't get in the way of nature taking its course. There were things I could have done differently. I should have done differently. I should have called the humane society. The vet was closed. I don't think that the baby could survive, and I figured that familiar circumstances were better than being gassed by strange humans.
The point of this is, these types of things throw you off. They spin you out of control, and you don't know how to care about stupid things like weight loss. I know it's just a baby bunny, but our lives are made up of little issues that gum up the works. I still feel so bad. I feel like it's not worth even talking about my issues at this point. I feel sick. Did I sabotage the bunnies? Did I bring a bunch of disease-causing deer ticks into our house? What was I thinking?
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I feel like Satan's personal asphalt-layer.

Painting my Weight Loss

the actual masterpiece (though Van Gogh wasn't that fond of it himself) courtesy of Wikipedia

For my birthday, I received a paint-by-numbers kit for the painting 'A Starry Night' by Vincent Van Gogh. Because I assume that the museum housing the original owns the rights to the use of its image, the painting I did is the popularized version of the painting. It was done in acrylics, rather than oil. I've included the metamorphosis of this painting because it made me think of my weight loss.

When someone else is losing weight, it seems to be in leaps and bounds--going so fast. First they're a little smaller, then more, and then suddenly they're skinnier than they've ever been!!
When you're the one losing weight, you really learn how small the incremental changes are. I don't notice it myself most of the time--every once in a while, I see myself in the mirror or in a picture, and I think, "this is really making a difference!"

But I'm impatient. I spent all yesterday on this painting because I wanted it done as soon as possible--not because I wasn't enjoying it, but because I wanted to see the final product. I also get impatient on my weight loss. So much work over the course of so many days. And really, it's a lifelong process. I get cranky waiting a month for my grades to come out--it's be three months since I started on Weight Watchers, and there's a part of me that thinks, why can't I just be done now!??!
At points, I felt the same way about the painting. But the leaps and bounds only come at the expense of lots and lots of detailed work: in painting, that's outlining and waiting for colors to dry, and repainting the same areas until they're just right. In weight loss, that's measuring out food every day. That's keeping track of everything you eat. That's dragging yourself back onto the exercise equipment when all you really want is a nap. My transformation may come more slowly, but for now, enjoy the leaps and bounds of Anne's "A Starry Night."

the canvas was not actually numbered--the main features of the painting were sketched out, and a detailed instruction book told me how to fill them in.

the sky continues

there are multiple base colors in the sky. it's hard to see now how this will all work out.

the most annoying part of this painting is that the yellow acrylic doesn't cover up the outlines

once I began to add texture I felt reassured; maybe this painting will turn out after all...

the lower portion of the sky was fun to paint, but I'm afraid I got it too green

the white paint was also a little scary--am I distracting from the rest of the painting?

these captions all sound really insecure, but I had a really good time painting this. This part was fun because I had to stylize each star differently--different color patterns, different concentrations. When you look at the real painting, the circle stars are barely visible as regular circles--they're very, very diffuse. (also, a lot of blank canvas shows through the paint on the real painting).

painting the village was very different from painting the sky. The village was still impressionistic but is in sharper focus. It took a long time to get all the lines right and to add texture to the trees (admittedly very simple texture).

adding texture to the tree was also fun The best thing about the tree is how it seems like a flame shooting up into the sky. You see that more when the yellow is added at the end (*retroactive spoiler alert*)

I also I loved adding the red. This is one feature very unlike the original painting--which is really done in all shades of blue. When you look at the original, it's a little bit of a bummer because it is so different from the image you have in your mind.

The painting is almost finished here. Note that the promised yellow has been added, the foreground bushes are swirly, and the houses in the village have been tinted a light blue--as if in twilight.

In this last picture, I fixed a few things. The moon had been slightly obscured by some white paint. I went over it again in the original deep yellow. I also changed the shape of the galaxy swirl on the lower right hand--trying to make it look more like it's supposed to!

Now it's finished. But is it ever REALLY finished?

Birthday Weightwatchers Fail OR Committment Reaffirmed

It's my birthday. So why do I look so concerned?

For my birthday, I made a conscious decision to give myself a break, go all out, and use as many of my daily and weekly points as I wanted to. This seemed like a fun idea. But it wasn't as fun in practice. For almost 3 months, I've been working at portion control, selecting healthier choices, and being content with less. Bucking that trend made me feel guilty, overfull, and bummed.

my birthday cake is that miraculous combination of deliciousness and beauty. That's all we ate, so I wonder what to do with the rest of it?

By the end of the day, treats, goodies, savory morsels, snacks, nibbles and munchies had added up--to too much. That's right--for the first time ever, I exceeded my daily/weekly allowance combo. I feel embarrassed. I feel like a greedy piggy. But I also feel...so full. Today's exploits taught me that moderation tastes and feels so much better than total gratification. And if a birthday marks a point where you become older and wiser, at least I know that's one definitive lesson I can take with me from now on.
I may sound sort of Zen about my birthday binge now, but that only came at the price of an emotional purge which was a little ugly. I cried for a while, told my husband how embarrassed and disappointed I was with myself, and then laid on the floor for a while and had my dog lick my face. My husband was, as always, rational about the problem: just exercise more and earn back the points you went over. Once I regained my emotional equilibrium that's what I decided I would do. As soon as my stomach stops feeling like it's going to explode.

a really surprising birthday surprise

In all other ways, though, this was a great birthday. I got to spend time with my lovely husband. We got to hang out with a good friend we haven't seen in some time. I got a lot of presents and heard from a lot of people. It's nice to renew those connections. I got to talk on the phone with my mom and my sister and my grandma and aunt. I got a lot of free swag for my birthday at local retailers. I feel like I'm 98% better (with the remaining two percent just an occasionally stuffy nose). I learned a valuable lesson (see above) AND...I discovered a billion baby bunnies!!

There are a lot of wild bunnies that live in Ohio, just around--they've lived in the green areas of every apartment I've lived in. Since we got our dog, I've noticed them a lot more because they are too smart for their own good. They hang around, and when Greta comes sniffing around to go to the bathroom, they dart out from under bushes, scaring/taunting her, and she chases after them...but only to the end of her leash. As if they know, they only run a short distance away. Greta always strains at her leash as if....just...a....bit........further........
Then when you want to get Greta focused back on business, she's so rattled by the sudden appearance and escape of the bunny that she can't deal with it. So we go inside and two minutes later she poops on the carpet.
There's been a particularly audacious bunny living just outside our apartment. It's there when I drive up to the curb in my car, and it's there when I run out of the house to go to school. It's there when I take Greta out to poop, and it's there when we come back after a failed "mission." Today it was there, on my birthday, when Greta, my husband, and I came back from picking up my bodacious cake. I've always wanted to let Greta off the leash to chase the bunnies, but a) I really don't want her to catch and hurt one (or get hurt herself--she's not much bigger than they are) or (b) to be chasing one, and run out in the street and get run over. So I picked Greta up, and ran after the bunny with her in my arms. The bunny didn't appear to be impressed. In fact, it didn't move until we were practically on top of it and I let out this big fake growl. It scampered away but not too far, and then I understood its hesitation. Right where the bunny had been sitting was a pile of little baby rabbits. They were about the size of hamsters--so cute! I was totally mortified. I tried to remember if bunnies abandon their young if they come into contact with humans, or if that's just birds. I felt so bad. We had bought a bag of carrots at the store, and I left some outside near the babies for the bunnies to eat. When we left again, without Greta, the parent bunny was still keeping its distance, but I snapped a few pictures of the babies. They were in a little hollow.
We left. I fretted. I hoped that the parent bunny would come back, but more importantly, I hoped that the babies would move to a safer place. Their hole is ground zero for the big dogs downstairs who are let out to go to the bathroom without leashes. I tried not to imagine the little babies getting eaten.
When we got home, the bunny and the babies were gone. I think they went home, rather than being eaten. Or the big bunny really really hid the babies well. I couldn't even find where the hole had been. I think they may have just been on the bare ground under a tuft of grass. I assume they've gone somewhere safe--and for the less optimistic out there, no, I did not see any little bunny bits around, so I don't think they were all annihilated. It's always possible that some dog ate like 7 hamster-sized bunnies whole, but...I'm trying to stay positive.

It's nearing the end of my birthday and I'm feeling a bit of a post-Christmas letdown. Tomorrow my husband leaves again, I have not a lot to do again, and I am not looking forward to either of those things.
I am, however, looking forward to re-starting the weight-loss week, but this time with a little better hold on the reigns.

Blondie, Button Nose, 17.8

Today I woke up and my hair was awesome!
That's what you get when you combine a lack of sleep, illness, and late night shower with a pillow.
I think my nose looks like a button nose in the second picture. I looked up button noses online and they look more like cute little snub noses than what my nose looks like.


It looks like my plateau has been annihilated. I beat the shizz-nit out of it. (that's what my cousins used to say when they were little and they wanted to say bad words but they weren't allowed). I am now 17.8lbs lighter than when I started!! Let the celebrations begin!!

This week I worked harder at exercising and at eating filling foods (fruits and vegetables!) Then I got sick and I couldn't taste anything, so that helped. I was a little nervous though, because last night I made an error in my calculations. We went out to dinner and I didn't eat that much, but one of the things I did eat was a caesar side salad, which I then failed to enter into my calculations for what I had eaten, so then I got a DQ blizzard (because I got a BOGO coupon for my birthday!!) because I thought I had enough points left over but I didn't really have as many as I thought. So I cheated on accident. ;(
And it was also that time of the month. We all know what happened last time. So I really didn't want to check my weight, but then I thought--if I'm really plateauing, I guess I need to know. So I did it. And I'm glad! There is nothing like losing weight to get you committed to losing weight!

And now I can taste again! Just in time for my birthday tomorrow!! (Have YOU gotten me a present?)

STORM!

Today was so much better than yesterday. I had a much easier time sticking to the plan. AND there was a tornado!! (not here but there was a warning here). Greta and I had to hide in the bathroom for a short while--after which we realized that the storm was letting up. And then Greta got a bunch of trash out of the bathroom and spread it all around to celebrate our survival.

I found out today that doing dishes in this heat and humidity makes me sweat a lot! Does that means it is exercise?

this is what it looked like after the storm. The camera doesn't really capture the ickiness of the sky. The air was thick with humidity, but there was a bit of a chill in the air.

looking to where the storm had progressed. This is the right half of the rainbow. The left half is below. They form an almost perfect arc. If I were more blog-savvy, I would definitely have stuck them together in the post.

huge bolts of lightening were still forking across the sky to the east of us. the sky was a muddy blue-brown but the rainbow made a stunning contrast.

the setting sun lent the still-stormy sky a sickly yellow sheen. That is not the moon there above the street light. It is either a raindrop or an evil spirit orb. or it could possibly be the moon...

Exercise is supposed to help you beat sickness. I'm going to go on the exercise bike now for a few and hope that it does it for me. Today I went outside and walked Greta. I came back in, sneezed twice, and was suddenly overcome with that getting-sick feeling at the back of my throat. It's my body's way of saying, "I'm not sick----yet. Don't make any plans for the weekend." Unfortunately, I DO have plans for the weekend. And they are awesome. So awesome that if I have to experience them on a gurney they would still be super awesome. More on that later....

Restless

After a zero-sum game last week, I wanted to hit the ground running this week. Unfortunately, I ran straight into food troubles. We were going to a church Memorial Day Breakfast, and I figured that splurging a little bit was okay. Too bad the splurge was on a 16-point almond poppy-seed muffin (I only ate a third of it, but still...)
Now that my job prospects have not worked out--I'm stuck at home all day without any real plan. I just want to graze all day. It feels comforting to eat food. It makes me happy--at least it gives me something to do.

But I am desperately trying to stick to the plan. I would kill for a cheeseburger and a caesar salad with lots of croutons and to wash it all down with a Sprite.
After a week of zero loss, I just feel like it doesn't matter. If following the plan doesn't help me lose weight then why bother at all?
I want to feel more hopeful, but when I think about what would make me happy, a delicious fatty treat is the only thing that comes to mind.
I've got to find a better way to fill up my time....is anybody hiring?