Dr. Laura, heal thyself

So I heard Dr. Laura talking about how she is going to quit having a show so she can say whatever she wants. Maybe she should quit her show and go to a basic civics class. I don't have a tv show--I barely have a blog. But I still can't say ANYTHING I want. When I'm living my normal, unfamous, life and I go to the movies, I can't yell "FIRE!!" (unless there really is one). I can't post a list on facebook of the people I'd like to kill (though just to reassure folks, there's no one I have in mind for such a thing, either). I can't scream at my kids (if I had kids) that I'm going to kill them. These things represent the kind of menacing threats that the law punishes criminally. I can't say that my neighbor, x, is a corrupt, fire-starting liar (unless it's true), or make false claims about the effectiveness of my patented dehumidifier if it is really just a humming, plastic box. These represent statements that the law punishes civilly. Finally, there's Dr. Laura's new buzz-word. The N word. If I said that word in public, I probably wouldn't render myself legally liable, but I would find myself liable to be beat up--and I would deserve it. These are social rules, and even if you can't be assessed damages for your violation of them, a decent, well-ordered society relies on them to function.
Some folks that argue that some black people, including some high profile rappers and musicians, use the N-word, so it's okay for anyone to use it. Their logic is apparently that if some people have personally "rehabilitated" a word that formerly represented the denigration of their race, then the whole community must be okay with it. They state as evidence a few catchy rap songs. People need to stop being so sensitive, they assert. I wonder if to them that means forgetting an oppressed past, forgetting how easily a technology-blessed majority can crush the dignity out of a minority they believe to be inferior.
I had a friend who was born in the USA, but her parents were from India. At my high school, several of the other people of Indian descent would joke about being "brown," and these jokes were soon adopted by white students who would (apparently without malice) start repeating them. Though my friend shared the same race with those who appreciated the jokes, she was deeply offended by them. In a predominately white high school, she found herself being singled out by her race by people who didn't consider her aversion to being referred to in this way.
It is not for us to stereotype any group to the extent that we believe a term that "used to be" offensive, or that singles them out by race is okay to use, just because we've seen some members of that race refer to themselves that way. I may joke myself about being incredibly pale-skinned, but if someone called me a "cracker" I'd be pretty offended, because of all that word stands for and has stood for in the past.
Supersensitivity does not breed a healthy society, but neither does a blanket assumption that the past doesn't still hurt in the present. We have enough racism in this society without someone like Dr. Laura hauling out the same, lame excuses racists have used for decades. If the benefit is being able to function in society, have friends of many different backgrounds, and be known as a person who shows respect for others, the cost of eliminating hate words (even so-called "rehabilitated" ones) from your vocabulary is a small price to pay.